What to do if your boyfriend has a low libido?


Having a partner with a lower sex drive can be challenging. You may feel rejected, undesirable, or unsatisfied. But there are things you can do to reconnect physically and emotionally with your boyfriend. This blog post offers research-backed tips to boost intimacy when your boyfriend's libido is low.

What to do if your boyfriend has a low libido?

Communicate openly and honestly

The first step is to talk openly with your boyfriend. Find a relaxed time to discuss, not right before or after attempting sex. Share your concerns using "I statements" rather than blaming him. For example:

"I feel disconnected from you and I miss our physical intimacy. I'm worried there's an issue we need to address."

Ask your boyfriend how he's feeling and if there are any factors impacting his libido, like:

  • Stress at work
  • Depression or anxiety
  • Low testosterone
  • Medications
  • Alcohol use
  • Health conditions

Keep the conversation loving and judgement-free. The goal is to understand what your boyfriend is experiencing and how you can work together to improve things.

See a doctor

If your boyfriend is struggling with ongoing low libido, it's important he see a doctor. They can check for any underlying medical causes like:

Low testosterone - Testosterone levels naturally decline with age. Other factors like chronic illness, medications, and obesity can also lower testosterone. Low levels can dampen sex drive. Testosterone replacement therapy may help.

Depression - Depression commonly causes low libido. Counseling and antidepressants can improve mood and restore sex drive.

Medications - Many common medications like antidepressants, blood pressure drugs, and pain pills can lower libido. A doctor may adjust medication regimens to improve side effects.

Chronic illness - Conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure, and arthritis are linked to sexual problems. Managing illness can help improve sex drive.

Getting to the root cause with a doctor's help is key for addressing low libido long-term.

Manage stress

Stress from work, family obligations, or other pressures can sap a man's energy and sex drive. Make sure your boyfriend has time to rest and recharge. Encourage him to:

  • Take relaxing breaks during the day
  • Get 7-9 hours of sleep per night
  • Exercise - this reduces stress and boosts libido
  • Practice relaxing activities like yoga, meditation, or massage
  • Delegate tasks and say no to extra responsibilities

Having better work-life balance can ease stress and boost his libido.

Improve emotional intimacy

Feeling emotionally close and connected with you can put your boyfriend in the mood for sex. Make special time for quality bonding:

Communicate daily - Ask your boyfriend thoughtful questions. Listen and empathize with what he shares. Express your feelings openly too. Staying emotionally engaged will nurture intimacy.

Go on dates - Plan regular date nights away from home and devices. New experiences and activities can energize your relationship. Recreate favorite early dates to reconnect with the spark.

Be affectionate - Initiate hand-holding, hugs, and cuddling outside the bedroom, not just as foreplay. This builds physical closeness. Compliment and do thoughtful things for your boyfriend to make him feel cherished.

Relieve relationship stress - Discuss and resolve any sources of tension, conflict or disconnection in the relationship. Seek couples counseling if you need help communicating. Feeling secure together stimulates libido.

Heat things up

Once you've addressed any underlying issues, you can take proactive steps to reignite the passion:

Initiate sex playfully - Rather than criticize your boyfriend's lagging libido, keep initiation positive. Send flirty texts during the day. Greet him at the door dressed up. Surprise him with a couples massage. Playfulness and variety can stimulate his interest.

Make sex exciting - Try bedroom toys, new positions, fantasy role-play, or watching erotic films together. Exploring new sensations and experiences helps break sex routines that dampen libido.

Schedule sex dates - Set up regular sex dates to look forward to. This builds anticipation and prevents sex from falling off the radar amid busy lives. Even during periods of low libido, sexual activity breeds more desire over time.

Focus on foreplay - Take intercourse off the table and explore erotic massage, oral sex, touch, role play or sexy showering together. No pressure on your boyfriend's performance may help him relax and get aroused.

Being proactive about romance and sex sparks momentum for more frequent fun in the bedroom.

Seek counseling or therapy

If efforts to improve your boyfriend's libido haven't helped over time, seeking counseling together may provide breakthroughs. A skilled therapist can uncover deeper issues impacting intimacy. Individual counseling for your boyfriend may also help address low libido rooted in depression, stress, or trauma. Marital counseling strengthens relationship skills like communication that aid sexual connection.

Some key benefits of therapy include:

  • Identifying root causes of low libido
  • Processing feelings of shame, inadequacy or anxiety about sex
  • Overcoming intimacy barriers and negative patterns as a couple
  • Learning techniques to manage stress and boost self-esteem
  • Gaining support and accountability to follow through on sexually reconnecting

With professional guidance, low libido can often be successfully managed - restoring physical and emotional satisfaction to your relationship.

The bottom line

A dip in your boyfriend's libido can be tough on a relationship, leaving you feeling insecure andyour needs unmet. But don't despair. Addressing any underlying issues, improving intimacy, spicing up the bedroom, and seeking counseling if needed can get your sex life backon track. With patience and commitment from you both, the spark can be reignited and your bondstrengthened. So take heart and have hope. Help for a low libido is available. Consistent effort will lead you and your boyfriend back to passionate spontaneity.

Frequently Asked Questions About Coping With a Boyfriend's Low Libido

A boyfriend's lagging libido can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and unsatisfied. But you're not alone - low male sex drive is common. Here are answers to frequent questions about reigniting intimacy when your man's motor is running slow.

Why might my boyfriend have a lower sex drive?

There are a number of potential causes, including:

  • Low testosterone - Testosterone levels naturally decline as men age. Chronic health problems, obesity, and medications can also lower testosterone, dampening libido.
  • Depression and anxiety - Mental health issues are a common cause of low male libido. The stresses of depression sap energy and desire for sex.
  • Medications - Antidepressants, blood pressure medications, pain pills and others can suppress libido as a side effect.
  • Alcohol use - Chronic drinking often inhibits sexual performance and desire.
  • Chronic illness - Conditions like diabetes, heart disease, and arthritis hamper sexual functioning and drive.
  • Stress - High stress levels from work, family obligations or other pressures exhaust the body and impair the sex drive.
  • Relationship issues - Unresolved conflicts, poor communication, and lack of emotional intimacy can all suppress sexual interest and enjoyment.

What steps can I encourage my boyfriend to take?

  • See a doctor - It's important your boyfriend has a medical check up to uncover any underlying health issues contributing to low libido. Blood work can check hormone levels and conditions can be treated.
  • Change medications - If current medications are dampening libido, a doctor may be able adjust medications and doses to reduce side effects.
  • Get counseling - If depression, chronic stress, or trauma are affecting sex drive, counseling can help to process and resolve these issues.
  • Limit alcohol - Cutting back on drinking improves sexual functioning.
  • Manage chronic illness - Your boyfriend should follow doctor's treatment plans for health conditions to help stabilize libido.
  • Reduce stress - Taking breaks, getting enough sleep, exercising, and saying no to extra obligations can lower stress.
  • Work on relationship skills - Couples counseling helps build connection through better communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy building.

What can I do to help improve our sex life?

  • Initiate sex playfully - Use flirting, lingerie, massages or sex toys to try to get him in the mood. Keep it positive rather than criticizing.
  • Make sex exciting - Experiment with new positions, locations, watching erotic movies, role play, and bedroom toys to spark new interest.
  • Schedule sex dates - Set up regular sex dates to look forward to. This can help make sex a consistent priority.
  • Focus on foreplay - Take intercourse off the table and explore sexual activities with less performance pressure, like oral sex, erotic massage, and touching.
  • Reconnect emotionally - Plan regular romantic dates. Be more affectionate in everyday life with touches, compliments, listening and thoughtful acts.
  • See a counselor - A sex therapist can give tailored advice on improving intimacy. Couples counseling strengthens your overall bond.

How long might it take to improve our sex life?

It really depends on the causes of your boyfriend's low libido and how proactive you both are in addressing it. But typically you should see gradual improvement over a period of a few weeks to several months if you persist. Communicate clearly, stay patient and keep trying new intimacy strategies. With consistent effort, you can get your sex life thriving again.

Is my boyfriend still attracted to me?

Low libido doesn't necessarily reflect how attractive he finds you. But it's understandable to feel insecure when sex declines. Boost your confidence by focusing less on his lagging desire and more on achieving happiness and fulfillment in other areas of life and the relationship. Keep communication open and give him reassurance too. With effort from both of you, the passion can definitely be rekindled.

When should we seek medical help?

If your boyfriend has had an ongoing low sex drive for several months and efforts to boost intimacy have failed, it's a sign to seek medical assistance. A doctor can check for any underlying physical or mental health issues that require treatment. A sex therapist can also give more specialized advice and counseling tailored to your situation. Don't continue struggling in silence - get professional help.

What if my needs are still not getting met?

Have an open discussion with your boyfriend explaining your needs and how the situation makes you feel. If he remains unwilling to address the problems, then you may have to reflect on whether you're getting the physical and emotional satisfaction you require from this relationship. Give counseling a try, but don't stay if things don’t improve over time. Your intimacy needs matter - sometimes it takes realizing you deserve better before change can happen.


A dip in libido can happen, but doesn't have to become the new normal. With patience and a proactive approach focused on open communication, medical help, and trying new intimacy strategies, you can revive your sex life. Improving your emotional connection also helps unlock sexual passion. If both partners commit to the process, physical intimacy can thrive once again.

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